Please, no more: "I was born to be a mom"

"Has anyone else out there felt confused after hearing someone say, 'I was born to be a mom,' and not necessarily feeling the same despite being a mom?

It has happened to me, and it makes me doubt how well I am doing as a mom. I have always focused on my professional development. I have been emotionally and financially independent; I am Latinoamerican, I have lived in Melbourne and Vilnius for study and work. I put aside my interest in someday being a mom, and the years passed. After 30, I started receiving questions about why I was alone or if I ever imagined being a mom someday because it was getting late for me. The truth is, I didn't feel the interest in being one at that moment, nor did I feel the interest in getting married someday, nor did I feel that it was getting late for me, as everyone else seemed to think.

Today, I no longer receive these questions, the ones that are made to those who are focused on professional growth and putting aside the personal aspect, because I got married and now I have a 16-month-old son, however others have raised: 'When will you start working again?' 'Does your son sleep independently?' 'What language does he speak if he hears three languages at home?' 'You speak to him in Spanish, right?' 'How is breastfeeding going?' 'Don't you supplement with formula milk?' 'How comfortable do you feel as an immigrant in Europe, and do you understand the language now?' among many others.

Motherhood is a huge topic I have read and found too much information about. Although I haven't seen anywhere referring to the metamorphosis we go through in a transparent way, or at least the one I went through. I had no idea how complex and sometimes abstract motherhood is. Perhaps, this is because I never had the interest in reading about the topic or talking to moms about their experiences; on the contrary, I felt that I avoided knowing more since I didn't feel like 'I was born to be a mom.'

Please don't get me wrong; I don't mean to say that I regret being a mom or that I don't enjoy this new stage of my life, or that I didn't feel the desire to be a mom at some point. Quite opposite, every day surprises me more, and I deeply admire moms who say that they were born to be moms, which I find spectacular because it makes me think that they didn't have episodes of deep sadness, didn't have moments of feeling completely lost, didn't have doubts about whether or not they were doing it right, didn't have the feeling that they were losing patience, or intense feelings of frustration, didn't have situations where not sleeping for several months challenged them, and they had to deal with their darkest demons, didn't have to heal childhood wounds. The statement of 'I was born to be a mom' makes me question if I wasn't born to be a mom, will my son not be as happy as others who were lucky enough to have a mom who says she was born to be a mom? No, and I refuse to think so.

Likewise, I realized that being a professional focused on my career as a corporate lawyer, dealing with stressful situations with leadership teams or handling legal and compliance investigations, doesn't compare to the mental and emotional strength one needs to perform motherhood duties. It really has no point of comparison.

Motherhood changes your life and the way you see it. The education of a human being is the most interesting matter to deal with. Every detail impacts not only how everyone sleeps in the house but also interpersonal relationships and mental and emotional stability. Everything you need to know to educate a human being, from the appropriate sleep hours to the activities they need for their development, the routines during the day affect night sleep, how habits are created, in my case, by choosing breastfeeding over formula milk, among many other topics I wouldn't finish mentioning.

At some point, I collapsed from so much information and opinions I found, and I felt overwhelmed. I admire and respect people who say they were born to be moms because it makes me think that they haven't gone through everything I have, and I want to share on this blog after having been with several doulas, lactation consultants, and sleep consultants, life characters I had no idea existed.

Finally, I would deeply appreciate those people who say that they were born to be moms to add some disclaimer when expressing it.  Some of us who connect to their content would feel supported and not so alone about how we are doing as moms, although I know it's subjective. I propose adding at the end what they might sometimes wish, for example, 'I was born to be a mom, and I have also had moments of intense frustration,' 'I was born to be a mom, and sometimes I wish I could sleep like I used to,' 'I was born to be a mom, and sometimes I wish I had a space just for me,' 'I was born to be a mom, and sometimes I wish I could feel the freedom not to have to stick to the sleep routine.' Do you feel something that sometimes you wish to do or have, despite feeling that you were born to be a mom, right? or am I wrong?"

MustardMama